FULL FACED HELMETS & GILLS
I'm going riding this weekend. Dragged out the gear (where's my
gloves?!?), shoved Left Big Foot into a boot (horse riding boot; won't
fit into anything else) to test fit, made sure I can still fit into my
HFD overpants (they're looser on me now than when I bought them),
brushed off the leather jacket, and...... ohmygod: my helmet. I have a
full face modular helmet. I'll be hypoxiated!!
So I have decided to dip into my primordial DNA, pull out some
methylated gc regions and tweak some expression. I'm going to grow
gills. Well, fresh air gills.
If a full face helmet asphyxiates me with my own CO2, I can either
choose to not wear a helmet or grow plants inside my helmet, which
would use the CO2 for photosynthesis and export O2 for my use. I could
try and grow stomata on my skin, the little openings on the surface
cells of plants that allow gases and water to pass. But then I have
openings for that already. And I think I'm a bit too removed on the
evolutionary tree.
Thus I will attempt to reverse recapitulation that occurs in early
embryonic development (within the first couple days/week) and grow
gills to their full development. I'll have to ask a frog.
"Excuse me, Mr. Frog. When you were young, you had gills. Then as you
left the larval stage and turned into a frog, you switched to using
your lungs. Would you mind telling me how you did that so I can reverse
the process? And don't tell me someone kissed you....."
Mr. Frog: "No one kisses me; they think I'll give them warts.
Now, to answer your question, human; I suggest you catch a few of them
there toddelerpoles and ask them. I just wake up breathing with these
danged mucus sacks."
Hmmm......somewhere there is a molecular switch that causes
metamorphosis, when toddlerpole gills are replaced with lungs, and when
the gill slits of a human embryo disappear. Now if I can reverse that
switch, I can regrow those gill slits, hopefully below the bottom of my
helmet, and breathe from those. Thus avoiding hypoxia or asphyxiation in
my helmet which covers both my nose and mouth.
On the other hand, hypoxia makes for great hallucinations.
So, y'all have a great weekend, enjoy the road and the sun, and wear
your helmets.
(weather report: 72 F)
hehe ;)
--
Elzinator |
